


A Way Back

by kristaud



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Flirting, Banter, F/M, Fluff, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29217570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristaud/pseuds/kristaud
Summary: 1500 years after losing everyone he loved, Merlin is still alive, still waiting. Working at the hospital keeps his mind occupied, and occasional romantic encounters staves off the worst of his loneliness. Despite these distractions, and despite his cheerful appearence, he always feels alone. That is, until the arrival of one very familiar patient changes everything.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! I had to delete my work for reasons I won't get into, but now I'm uploading it again, with a new chapter. I tried last night, but got the wrong order on the chapters, so I'm trying again. Hope those of you who followed the story find it again, and that you enjoy the new chapter. As always, would love to hear what you guys think :)

_ Merlin had to stop Arthur from going to Ismere. He wanted to save their friends as well, but couldn't get the druid seer's words out of his head.  _

_ As they laid back to back underneath the rock wall, hiding from Morgana's men, Merlin had tried to convince him.  _

_ "I need you to listen to me", Merlin said with desperation in his voice and a heavy feeling in his stomach.  _

_ "The druid seer. Before he died, he tried to warn me. He told me that you were in danger. And that the danger was close." _

_ "He was dying, Merlin", Arthur replied.  _

_ "It is what he would say." _

_ Why would Arthur never listen to him?  _

_ "I think he was a druid seer", Merlin tried.  _

_ "You expect me to listen to a sorcerer?", Arthur countered, the disdain obvious in his voice.  _

_ The pit in Merlins stomach suddenly felt a bit heavier.  _

_ "Why would he tell me that? He had no knowledge that I even knew you. We have to turn back.", Merlin tried again, turning around to look at Arthur.  _

_ "I can't. Even if what he said we're true. It makes no difference." _

_ "Arthur, without you, Camelot is nothing. All that we've worked so hard to create, everything we've begun-" _

_ Arthur interrupted him as he sat up to face Merlin.  _

_ "Look, no matter what adversity we face, we stand for what is right. To betray our beliefs, Merlin, that..is what will destroy everything we've strived for. I swear I'm going to rescue my men. Or die trying".  _

_ As Arthur spoke, Merlin felt the intensity of their connection warm his chest. The pit felt a bit lighter.  _

_ "And I swear", Merlin answered, " I will protect you or die at your side".  _

_ They laid back to back as they fell asleep. And then, side by side, pressed up against each other, with Arthur's arm resting on Merlins chest.  _

_ Then suddenly, they were somewhere else. He was holding Arthur in his arms, crying. Merlin felt panic in his throat, making it difficult to breathe. He had to get him there in time, he had to save him.  _

_ "I'm going to say something I've never said to you before. Thank you."  _

_ "ARTHUR!", Merlin screamed to no avail, and then he was alone, all alone in the darkness, with a searing pain in his chest- _

_ ARTHU-! _

Merlin opened his eyes, his heart racing in his chest. He felt the magic surge through his body, threatening to burst, burning at the surface of his skin. Had something happened?

_ No. Just another dream.  _

He hadn’t had one in a long time, and this one felt different somehow. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.

_ Just another dream. _

The burning sensation of magic subsided, but Merlin still felt like his head was about to explode. He tried to open his eyes, but shut them quickly when faced with the sunlight forcing its way into the darkness of his bedroom through a small space between his curtains. He exhaled heavily, and grimaced as he smelled the alcohol on his own breath. Memories from the previous night suddenly came rushing back, and he quickly turned around to see the bare skinned back of the man he had brought home in his drunken stupor. He remembered the loud music, and the lights. Dancing, sweating and the sensation of warm lips pressed against his. 

_ Why do I keep doing this,  _ he thought. 

_ It never helps.  _

In the past 1500 years, he had tried to love. He had even been married twice. First to Erla, and then later to Ben.

_ Don't think about them.  _

But eventually, saying goodbye became too difficult. He still kept acquaintances, and even some friends here and there. But the heartbreak of loving someone fully with the knowledge of them eventually dying, and him being unable to follow, became too much to bear. 

But he still needed some kind of connection. And so, drunken one-night stands occasionally helped him stave off the worst of his loneliness. 

He was pulled out of his melancholy thoughts by a pleased sigh from his companion. 

"Hmm.. good morning Emrys", he heard from his left. 

He looked over at his companion. He was young, perhaps in his late twenties, and very handsome, with red, wavy locks framing the pleased expression on his face.  _ What is his name again  _ , Merlin thought, wracking his brain for any memories that might give him some clue. 

"Good morning.. you", he managed to get out in a dry croaky voice, internally cringing at his inability to hide his awkwardness. 

The previously pleased look on his guest's face quickly vanished. 

"It's Robert. That's my name."

Clearly offended, he groaned, quickly got dressed, and walked out, leaving Merlin somewhat relieved to be alone again. 

"Sorry.", Merlin mumbled into the now empty room. 

He laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling the painful thumping of his pulse in his head. He knew that he could be cured of this hangover with a simple thought, but he somewhat relished in the sensation. Being immortal quickly became mundane, especially when his magic could heal all his physical ails and pains. The emotional pains of living forever, however, only became worse with every year. And so, the distraction of physical pains, such as this excruciating headache, actually felt like a relief. 

He turned to look at his bedside clock, and suddenly shot up from the bed in a slight panic.

_ What day is it? _

"Shit, shit, shit, I'm late"

He suddenly realized that he had drunk the entire weekend away, and that it was Monday. He had to be at work in 30 minutes. 

Merlin had had many careers throughout his long life. He had been Court Magician during Gwen's reign. Those had been good years, even after Arthur-

_ No, don't think about him either. _

When his mother and last friends from Camelot were gone, he had travelled. All over the world. He had been an advisor to other great kings and queens. And tried, in vain, to advise _ less  _ great kings and queens. He had then been a healer. A farmer. He had been a fisherman in Iceland, where he had met Erla. He had been an author. An artist. A musician. A solicitor. A scientist. He had so many degrees in so many different disciplines, he could change his identity with ease. This came in handy, as moving and starting over was a necessary and frequent consequence of immortality. But the constant learning also kept his mind preoccupied, distracted from the thoughts and feelings that might drive him insane should he pay them too much attention.

His current identity was Emrys Hunithson (a name he returned to every few decades), and he worked as a cardiac surgeon at West Mendip Hospital in Glastonbury. In his first life, he knew Glastonbury as the Isle of Avalon. Although he had to move around frequently to avoid suspicion, he tried to rotate back to Glastonbury as often as he could. Even though it pained him to remember, he also couldn't stop himself from being pulled back.  _ Just in case. _

Merlin frantically threw on a pair of loose-fitting jeans, a white t-shirt, and a woolen jumper. As he bent down to put on a pair of dirty mismatching socks he found on the floor, he suddenly felt an intense urge to vomit. He tried to locate his car keys, but the room was spinning, making it very difficult. 

_ Alright. I can't drive, let alone go to work, in this condition.  _

Merlin stumbled through the dark of his bedroom into the bathroom, placed his hands on each side of the sink, and lifted his head to look at his reflection in the mirror. He looked awful. His skin looked almost grey, matching the odd specks of grey hairs growing along his temples and in his stubbled beard. He currently appeared to be in his somewhere in his early forties, with slight wrinkles around his eyes and between his brows. He inhaled, and his eyes briefly gleamed a honey-golden glow. He felt the nausea, headache and dizziness melt away from his body as he exhaled. He looked back into the mirror and found that even though he still looked somewhat tired, at least he didn't look like he was on the brink of death. Although removing his discomfort was a relief, its absence also revealed a familiar emptiness. An emptiness that gave room for unwelcome thoughts and feelings. 

"Alright, off to work". 

Merlin loved the hectic and intense atmosphere of the surgical unit. It was a tough job, no doubt about it. But had always been accustomed to dealing with death, ever from his first arrival in Camelot. Out of all his previous careers, healing (or medicine) was the one he most frequently returned to. Even during his reign as Court Sorcerer, treating people's illnesses, helping people, had been a priority for him. Especially after Gaius died. Not only did it give him a feeling of purpose, but it also felt like a good way to honour and remember the man who had been like a father to him for so many years. He could not be obvious in his use of magic as a surgeon for risk of exposure, but it did help him in his work. His instincts would guide his scalpel, and sometimes he would use spells to help with pains or speed up the healing process for his patients. There were limits, however, even to his powers. He was not a master of life and death, and he did occasionally lose patients. 

Merlin jogged through the sliding door entrance to the hospital, barely a minute before his shift started. Mary, the cheery, curly-haired, plump receptionist grinned and shook her head when she saw Merlin jogging towards the elevator, red-faced and sweaty. 

"Just in the nick of time again, Em!", she yelled after him with a laugh in her voice. 

"You know me, Mary, I like to keep everyone in suspense!", he replied with a wink as the elevator doors closed. 

Merlin quickly changed into his scrubs, and made his way into the shift-change meeting room. 

“Good of you to join us, Hunithson!”, Dr Allen muttered from the other end of the room, not looking up from his chart. 

“Sorry”, Merlin replied in a whisper, taking a seat next to one of the nurses, Anne.

“All, right. Now that we’re all here-”, Allen continued. Anne and Merlin exchanged a brief look, and Merlin couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. Anne suppressed a smile in return. Allen had never liked Merlin, that much was clear to him after 10 years at West Mendip. He could never really figure out why- sure, Merlin could perhaps come across as insolent or disrespectful sometimes, as he had no issues with telling Allen off if they disagreed on how to treat their patients. He had never had issues standing up to authorities. But Merlin also had the best treatment record out of all the surgeons, never showed up late (only occasionally  _ nearly  _ late), and got on well with the other doctors and nurses. Allen, on the other hand, always found some reason to quarrel with him. 

“Anne, Olivia, Miriam, you’re on post-op. Check up on Mr. Bell, Mr. Willis and Mrs. Armstrong. Davis, you’ll be heading the bypass on Mr. Taylor this afternoon. Christianson, you’ll be doing the valve replacement on Ms. Evans”, Allen droned out in his usual monotonous voice. He looked up from his chart, eyes locking with Merlins. 

“Hunithson, urgent care is short of one doctor today, Mattis called in sick with the flu. You’re not above some grunt work every now and then, are you?”.

Merlin supposed Allen was trying to get a rise out of him by assigning him to urgent care, but Merlin honestly didn’t mind. He quite liked working in the urgent care unit. Sure, he wouldn’t be doing complicated surgery, but he did enjoy some face to face time with patients every now and then. Surgery was a very impersonal speciality in that sense. Also, Davis and Christianson were excellent surgeons, perfectly capable of handling the surgeries on the docket today. 

“Wherever I can be of help, Allen”, Merlin replied with a smile, which seemed to make Allen look even more glum than he already did. 

After the shift-change, Merlin made his way down to urgent care, where he was set to work immediately. His first patient was Bobby, a five year old boy who had cut his arm on a metal wire fence while playing. In the examination room, the crying boy clung to his mother who stood by his bed, refusing to let go. 

“Hello, there”, Merlin said in a soft voice, crouching down so he was at eye level with the boy. 

“My name is Emrys, and I am a doctor. My job is to help people feel better when they’re hurting. Do you mind if I have a look at your arm? Your mum told me you had a little accident today, and I would like to make it better for you.”

Bobby stopped crying, and looked questioningly up at his mom, who smiled and nodded. The boy lifted up his arm towards Merlin. It was a deep gash indeed, and the boy had been lucky it missed his artery. 

“Alright Bobby, we’ll have you fixed up in no time, good as new. But you’re going to need some stitches.”

At the word “stitches”, Bobby immediately started crying again, burying his face in his mom's jumper. 

“It’s alright, darling. It’ll only hurt for a moment, and then you’ll be all better”, his mother said, trying to console him. She turned to Merlin. “I’m sorry, he’s scared of needles. I’m sure he will calm down in a minute. But, doctor- would you mind looking after him for a minute while i use the loo? We’ve been here for hours, and I haven’t had the opportunity-”, she started. 

“Of course”, Merlin replied reassuringly. 

“Alright darling, mummy needs to use the loo for a moment, and the nice doctor here is going to look after you while I’m gone. Can you be a good boy and wait here for mummy?”

Bobby wiped at his tears and nodded, looking miserable. 

“Hey Bobby”, Merlin said in a loud whisper. “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

Bobby perked up at this. He wiped away snot and tears using his sleeves, and gave a slight nod. Bobby’s mom smiled at them, and mouthed ( _ thank you  _ ) as she headed out of the room. 

“Alright Bobby, I’ll show you a magic trick, but you can’t tell anyone, alright? Not even your mum. It’ll be our secret. Promise?”, Merlin whispered, trying to look very serious. 

“Promise”, Bobby replied, now clearly intrigued. 

“Alright, give me your hands”. 

Merlin took the boys hands and folded them together in his. 

“Now, close your eyes”.

Merlin’s eyes glowed gold for a brief second. 

“Alright, now open your eyes”. 

Bobby opened his eyes, and looked down. Merlin slowly unfolded their hands, revealing what appeared to be a small floating cloud of sparks, emitting a yellow-orange glow. The boy stared in wonder. The tiny sparks then started to move, changing form into a small dragon, perched in the palm of the boy’s hand. Bobby’s eyes grew wider, and his mouth gaped as the dragon took form. Suddenly it took flight up towards the ceiling, and then down again towards them, and then a few laps around Bobby’s head. The boy gave a joyful shriek, and then started laughing wonderfully, his eyes following the dragon as it eventually landed on the top of Merlin’s head before it vanished in a puff into thin air. Bobby’s laughter lingered for a while, and Merlin laughed with him. 

“More!”, Bobby demanded with a huge grin.

“The dragon had to go to visit another little boy who was hurting. That’s his job you see, helping little boys and girls to be brave when they’re at the doctors. He also told me some magic words that will make sure that getting your stitches won’t hurt one bit. Do you want to hear them?”

Bobby nodded enthusiastically.

Merlin leaned to the boy’s ear and whispered “ _ Mont koit pæon”,  _ his eyes glowing as he did.

Right then, the boy’s mother returned.

“Mum! Mum, the magic dragon told me some magic words so the stitches won’t hurt!, Bobby shouted.

_ So much for secrecy  _ , Merlin thought to himself. He didn’t mind, though. Children had vivid imaginations, after all. Bobby’s friends would surely be hearing some strange stories about what it’s like going to the doctor. 

“Oh, is that so?”, his mother asked, eyebrows raised. She shot a quick smiling glance towards Merlin, who shrugged his shoulders, feigning an innocent look. 

Merlin applied the stitches without any complaints from the boy, who proudly exclaimed “See, mum, it doesn’t hurt at all!”, every twenty seconds. 

The rest of the day flew by so fast with Merlin rushing between patients, he didn’t have time to take a single break. He treated a few more cuts and bruises, saw two concussions, a broken arm, a broken jaw, and three viral infections. He ran tests for diagnoses, and sent patients on to the appropriate departments for treatment. When he finally had time to take a breath, he looked at his watch, realizing that it was 9:55 PM and that his shift ended in five minutes. He was exhausted, and  _ starving  _ . He would pick something up on his way home. And perhaps a bottle of wine as well. He didn’t have an early shift in the morning, perhaps he would go out for a drink. Meet someone.

_ It won’t help. _

He made his way towards the changing rooms, and ran into Anne on his way there. 

“How was your day in the pit then, Em? I don’t know what you did to get on Allen’s bad side, but it must have been something horrible”, she said teasingly, nudging in his side with her elbow as they walked down the hall.

“I know it seems unbelievable to you Annie, but not everyone finds me as charming, handsome, hilarious and intelligent as you do”, he teased back. 

Anne rolled her eyes at him, but her cheeks blushed slightly. Merlin instantly felt a pang of guilt. He suspected that Anne might be a bit infatuated with him. She was a beautiful girl, and kind. She sometimes reminded him of Freya. Over the seven years he had come to know her he had found that she was warm, open and selfless in the same way. He had considered going out with her- several times, in fact, over the years they had known each other. But he had learned the hard way that opening up, letting someone know him and love him was cruel. It could never last and always ended in painful separation or death. It was kinder to keep her at bay. 

“A few of us are going out for drinks, you want to come? Christianson is claiming he broke the world record for fastest valve replacement ever and wants an audience for his celebratory bragging. Typical surgeon.”

Merlin snorted a laugh in response. He  _ did  _ feel like going out tonight, and listening to Christianson’s drunken tales of glory  _ was  _ entertaining.

“Yeah, actually I-”, Merlin started, but was interrupted by his name being called out over the hospital speakers. 

“Hunithson to surgery, Hunitshon to surgery”.

“I guess I’m working overtime tonight! Next time”, he yelled over his shoulder to a disappointed-looking Anne as he ran down the hallway towards the surgical unit. 

He was met by Dr. Allen who handed him a patient chart and fell into stride next to Merlin as they paced down the hallway.

“Who’s the patient?”, Merlin asked matter-of-factly, sensing the graveness of the situation. 

“We don’t know, he was found on the shore of the lake by passers-by.”

“A drowning? Why was I called?”, Merlin asked.

“He seems to have been stabbed, and there is some metal embedded in his chest. It’s lucky we ran a CT and not an MRI, which probably would have killed him.”

A strange feeling suddenly washed over Merlin as he came to a halt. It was the same sensation he felt as he woke up this morning. He felt the magic burning on his skin, and heard blood rushing through his ears. 

“Hunithson! What’s the matter with you?!”

Merlin snapped out of the trance he was in and picked up his pace as he was nearing the surgery room. 

“By which lake did you say he was found?”, Merlin managed to get out while trying to stop his voice from sounding shaky. 

_ It can’t be. _

“I didn’t say.”, Allen replied with a slight frown. “The EMTs didn’t say.”

_ It couldn’t be. _

Merlin arrived at the washing station, and frantically soaped up his hands and arms as his mind was racing. 

_ It’s not him.  _

Surgical nurses arrived to help him into his surgical scrubs, mask and gloves.

_ It’s impossible. _

He walked the final steps towards the entrance to the surgical suite, feeling like his mind was detaching from his body, reeling with a million thoughts and feelings at the same time. Hope. Fear. Joy. Panic. 

_ Please. _

He pushed the door open using his shoulder, and slowly turned around to face the operating table. 

And then, the whole world disappeared. 

_ Oh my god.  _


	2. Chapter 2

_ Oh my god. _

The world had gone black. First, Merlin sensed only vibration, radiating throughout his body. Then, he recognised this vibration as magic, first as he previously sensed it - as a burn at the surface of his skin. And then, overwhelmingly everywhere, searing his insides, his chest, limbs and brain. Where was he? When was he? He had been at work, and he was on his way to surgery when - 

_ Arthur.  _

Through the blackness of his surroundings, he could suddenly make out a figure. A surgical bed, blonde locks, a sharp jaw and a narrow nose. Merlin snapped back to reality, and opened his eyes to look around the surgical theatre, immediately noticing the frightened looks on the faces of the surgical nurses, assistants, and the anesthesiologist. The surgical equipment was shaking, emitting a metallic ring throughout the room as dust was floating down from the ceiling. 

_ It’s him.  _

“Was that an earthquake? In Glastonbury?”, he heard one of the masked nurses ask with a shaky voice. They all looked at each other, and then at Merling, seemingly afraid to move. 

_ I can save him.  _

Merlin focused, detaching himself from his emotions. 

“What’s the patient’s status?”, Merlin asked, functioning on autopilot. Merlin’s utterance seemed to break everyone out of their trance. 

“BP is at 60 systolic, pulse 128 palp. He has a metal shard embedded in his chest, upper left quadrant. According to the CT, the shard seems to be pressed against his left ventricle, but has not pierced the lining yet. He’s lost a significant amount of blood, received two boluses of midazolan, a shot of epi, a bag of saline, and we’ve called for more 0-neg. His blood pressure is pretty low, we should give him one more round of epi before we start”, one of the masked nurses replied, who he now recognised as Miriam. 

The anesthesiologist, Johnson, nodded, and administered the epinephrine as the nurses and surgical assistants suddenly leapt into motion, their training overriding the previous shock of an apparent earthquake hitting their hospital. 

Merlin stepped up to the operating table, but didn’t dare look towards the face of his patient in fear of losing control again. If it were known that he knew him, he would not be allowed to operate, but Merlin could not allow anyone else perform this surgery. For one, he was the best surgeon at West Mendip. Second, he knew that the blade that had pierced Arth-,  _ his patient’s  _ chest was magical in nature, and that he would be the only one able to deal with such a situation. 

“Everyone ready?”, Merlin said, keeping his eyes firmly of the exposed portion of his patient’s chest. 

“BP at 70, systolic. We’re ready to go”, Miriam replied. 

“Scalpel, please.”

Even though Merlin’s mind was reeling, his millenia of training allowed him to keep his composure as he received a scalpel in his left hand and placed it against the soft skin in the middle of his patient’s chest, along the entrance wound of what he knew to be caused by a sword forged in a dragon’s breath. 

“Making the first incision.”

Merlin pressed the scalpel down, trying to let his senses guide him towards the shard. The cut went deep, and as he closed his eyes he seemed to feel getting closer to the object. His instincts guided the pressure of his hand as he pushed the blade into flesh. He maintained this pressure until slight vibration in his chest signalled that he had arrived at the intended location. He pulled the scalpel out. 

“Everything looks fine so far”, Miriam said as an update, nodding at Merlin as a sign he was fine to continue. 

“Retractor.”, Merlin said as he held out his arm. 

The scalpel in Merlin’s hand was quickly replaced by a retractor by one of the assistants, which he subsequently placed into the incision. He spread the wound open, revealing a slight shimmer of something metallic embedded in his patient’s chest. Merlin closed his eyes, trying to sense the magic in the shard, fully knowing that attempting to remove it might push it closer to the patient’s heart. Eyes closed, he took a deep breath and held it, well aware he might look strange. However, the staff at West Mendip were used to his unorthodox approaches, and at the present moment, his sole focus was to keep this patient alive. Usually, magical objects or persons emitted a sort of aura, easily detected by Merlin. But now, he could not sense anything. When he focused his attention towards the shard, all he could feel was the usual taste of iron on his tongue emitted by ordinary metallic objects. The magic once embedded in the sword was gone. Merlin exhaled and opened his eyes. 

“Clamp.”

Once Merlin received the clamp, he efficiently placed it inside the incision and grabbed around the edges of the shard. Luckily, the shard had not pierced any other major organs, although the patient’s blood loss was significant. 

“Pulling the object out now.”

Merlin slowly started to pull the shard out of the patient’s chest, keeping an eye on the screen monitoring the patient’s blood pressure and pulse as he did so. Once it was out, he dropped it onto a metal bowl, and put down the clamp. He couldn’t see any major bleeding, nor injuries to surrounding tissue. The metal shard that once belonged to a magical sword looked dull and unextraordinary in the metal bowl he had placed it in. To think that this object had once ruined his life, and here it was, completely ordinary and harmless. 

“Status?”, Merlin asked, feeling his composure faltering. 

“The patient is stable, BP at 75, pulse 110. No signs of bleeding. Ready to close”, Miriam replied. 

He was starting to feel dizzy. 

“Alright, Williams, you can manage from here, close him up”, Merlin managed to get out, his voice considerably shaky now. Williams, one of the surgical residents, stepped up to the table to take over. 

Merlin turned around to leave the operating theatre, trying to seem normal, but the emotional shock of the situation suddenly caught up to him. His hands started shaking violently, and his legs felt weak. The room was spinning, and he struggled to keep his balance as he walked towards the door. And then he felt himself falling towards the floor as he fell into unconsciousness. 

_ “Merlin! Where have you been?!”, Arthur exclaimed as Merlin turned the corner of the cave wall.  _

_ Merlin noticed the relief on Arthur’s face as he recognised it was him. He knew that Arthur considered him a friend, but he always found it somewhat jarring (and exciting) to see these emotions expressed.  _

_ “Were you worried about me?”, Merlin teased, knowing this would get a rise out of Arthur.  _

_ “No. I was making sure we weren’t being followed.” _

_ “You came back to look for me.”, Merlin continued, relishing in the uncomfortable look on Arthur’s face.  _

_ “All right. It’s true.”, Arthur replied, suddenly serious. “I came back ‘cause you’re the only friend I have, and I couldn’t bear to lose you.” _

_ What’s happening? This isn’t how it usually goes, Merlin thought to himself. He suddenly felt a flutter in his stomach.  _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Don’t be an idiot.” _

_ Yeah, don’t be an idiot, Merlin.. _

Merlin opened his eyes to dark shapes hovering above him. He heard sounds, someone speaking. The blurry shapes gradually became recognisable as people, people he knew. One of the faces was Johnson, the anesthesiologist. Another face he recognised was Miriam, one of the surgical nurses. They looked down at him with worried faces. 

“Em. Emrys. Are you alright? You passed out.”

“How is Arthur? Is he stable?”, Merlin managed to get out, still dizzy. He tried to sit up, but his limbs felt numb, causing him to fall back to the floor. 

“Arthur?”, Miriam asked, looking even more worried now. 

“The patient. Arthur. Will he be OK?”

Johnson and Miriam exchanged a look. 

“We didn’t know his name”, Miriam said, talking to Johnson. “He didn’t have any ID on him.”

“IS HE OK?!”, Merlin shouted, once again trying to stand up.

“He’s fine Em, take it easy. He’s being taken care of. Just relax.”, Miriam said reassuringly, stroking Merlin’s head as she guided him back to the floor. "Someone get a hold of Allen."

_ He’s alright  _ , Merlin thought.  _ He’s back, and he’s going to be fine  _ . The exhaustion of restraining his magic and emotions while performing surgery on his best friend caught up to him. He suddenly felt nauseous, and before he could think of an enchantment to stop what was about to happen, he turned to his side and vomited. Then he fell back onto the floor and closed his eyes. 

_ He’s back. And he’s going to be OK. _


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur tried to remember. What was his last memory?

Guenivere laying beside him. Trying to sleep, but waking up with Merlin’s voice reverberating through his head. 

_ It’s an ambush. _

A battle. The sorcerer, raining fire down on their foes. Victory. A sword in his chest.  _ Mordred  _ . He had been stabbed before, but this was a sickening, nauseating pain like he had never previously experienced. A pain he soon realized felt like death. He was going to die. 

Merlin trying to save him. Merlin,  _ the sorcerer  _ . The hurt he initially felt upon hearing Merlin actually utter the words didn’t stem from contempt or fear of magic, at least Arthur didn’t think so. It was the  _ deception  _ that felt like a betrayal, a repeat of Morgana and Agravaine. Like a knife plunged into a recently healed wound, somehow even more painful not that Merlin was the one wielding the blade. 

_ “I use it for you Arthur. Only for you.” _

Realizing the extent of Merlin’s devotion. Sadness as not having more time with him, to truly know him. The feel of Merlin’s embrace, the feel of Merlin’s hair between his fingers as he started to let go. 

_ “Thank you” _

Arthur started to drift away in Merlin’s arms, his heart breaking from the desperate sound of his name being called. He thought of Gwen, smiling at him, rolling her eyes at him, planting soft kisses on his lips. He then thought of his knights gathered around a bonfire, laughing at one of Gwaine’s dumb jokes. His people, Camelot, riding through the forest, swinging his sword. His whole life seemed to flash before him, a thousand images rushing past, filling his mind and heart all at once. Loss, fear, joy, grief. And love. 

His last thought was of his best friend.

_ “Merlin, it’s a new day. Have you been out here all night?” _

_ “I didn’t want you to feel alone”. _

And Arthur did not feel alone as he finally slipped into darkness. 

Arthur and Death were dear old friends. He had been its brink on multiple occasions, and been its deliverer more times than he could count. He had always expected that death would involve a journey to a new place, some otherworldly destination inhabited by loved ones who had already passed. That he would see his mother. Whatever he expected death to feel like, it was not this. He felt as he was floating aimlessly in vast darkness. He was not afraid. In fact, he didn’t seem to feel anything. He just was. Or wasn’t. He could not grasp how much time passed. His senseless state seemed to last forever, and at the same time it felt like mere seconds had passed. 

Then suddenly, pain. The empty void he previously inhabited now felt like water, crushing him from all sides. He opened his eyes, but the muddiness of his surroundings rendered him unable to differentiate up from down. He  _ was  _ under water, that much was clear to him by now.  _ I need air  _ , Arthur thought, and before he could stop himself, he instinctively tried to inhale. He felt the water burn its way into his lungs, and panic setting in. He started to kick his legs and flail his arms in the hope this would lead him to the surface. This went on for what seemed like an eternity, but finally he started to see dim light forcing its way through the brown water. He made one last powerful kick with his legs, and finally breached the surface.  _ Air. _

Arthur tried to inhale once more, causing him to cough violently. He could see the bank of the lake, it was not too far away. But he knew he had to keep swimming immediately, or else he  _ would  _ drown. Digging through the water, Arthur kept coughing while he swam, expelling water from his lungs as he did. When he finally felt ground beneath his feet, he crawled the last distance towards land before finally collapsing on the shore. 

_ What’s happened? Where am I? _

Arthur opened his eyes and tried to get a bearing of his surroundings. He was by a lake, and it seemed familiar to him. He had been here before.  _ Avalon  _ . His chest still ached, which Arthur first believed to be a consequence of the water in his lungs. He looked down at his chest.  _ Why am I naked,  _ was his first thought. Then he noticed the wound in the middle of his chest, the blood pouring from it, staining the grass beneath him. 

_ Oh. That’s right. I died. Why am I not dead? _

Arthur suddenly became very tired. He tried to crawl, drag his body along the grass, to no avail. He was too exhausted. He shut his eyes. 

_ I guess I’m dying again. That’s funny.  _

Arthur laid on the ground for a long time, unable to move. He tried to stay conscious, to focus on his breath - _ in, out  _ . Merlin couldn’t be far away, he never was. He just had to stay awake for long enough. Merlin must have managed to get the help of the Sidhe, found some way to save him. He would be on his way to find him now, Arthur was sure of it.

Despite Arthur’s efforts, exhaustion started to get the better of him, and he felt himself drifting again as he closed his eyes.

_ Come on Merlin. _

Just as his lids shut, he heard voices. 

_ Finally, you idiot, where have you been?  _ , Arthur thought to himself, relieved.

Strange voices, speaking to him in a strange language.

_ No. That’s not Merlin. _

Arms grabbing his legs and shoulders, lifting him up, carrying him somewhere. And then a sort of howling sound, which gradually became louder and louder. He could see blue and yellow lights through his closed lids as the sound drew close, and the sensation of being lifted again. The howling continued, and he could feel movement. Arthur drifted in and out of consciousness, for how long, he did not know. 

_ “Arthur, I need you to wake up. ” _

A familiar voice in his head. 

_ “Please Arthur. You have to wake up now. You can't leave me again." _

_ Merlin.  _

Arthur opened his eyes. 

He was lying in a bed. He felt dizzy, almost drunk, but was able to focus his eyes enough to notice he was wearing a strange parchment-like white gown. Arthur lifted the collar of this gown to inspect his wound. It was covered by some kind of bandage _ .  _ He must be with Gaius, back in Camelot. 

_ No. This place is foreign to me. _

The bed he was lying in was like no bed he had ever been in before. Its frame was white, made of an unfamiliar material. The mattress was very comfortable, not lumpy at all. His eyes were drawn to the left side of his bed by a strange sound. Like a bird song, only not alive, repeating at the same pitch and volume over and over. Though the room felt like it were spinning slightly, Arthur was able to squint his eyes to identify the source of the sound. It was a strange device, a cube connected to a pole rising up from the floor. On the surface of the cube, Arthur could make out strange symbols of different colours, moving and changing. Some of the symbols he recognised as numbers, some letters. But they made no sense to him. _This must be magic._ He felt his heart beating faster now, and noticed that the sounds coming from the machine were repeating at a faster interval as well. _Is it connected to me somehow?_ He then noticed the wires hanging from the device, that they were connected to his body. One was connected to the inside of his wrist, under the skin, it felt like. Another wire was connected to a small clamp, which glowed red, fastened to his middle finger on his left hand. _What is this place?_ Arthur felt increasingly confused and afraid. It felt like he had been transported to a strange world where nothing was familiar to him. The smells, the sights, the sounds, - everything - was completely alien. _Perhaps I_ ** _am_** _dead?_

Arthur suddenly heard a familiar sound,  _ snoring  _ , to his right. He whipped his head around, relieved to be in the presence of another human-being, whoever it may be. The sudden motion left the room spinning once again, but he was able to make out a person sitting on a chair to his right, body slumped over on the bed. When he recognised the mop of unruly black hair resting by his arm, his relief turned to joy. Merlin was with him. Merlin had saved him, once again. 

_ Where have you brought me now, Merlin? _

Arthur lifted his hand to place it on top of Merlin’s head, feeling hair between his fingers. He let his hand rest here for a moment, remembering lying in Merlin’s arms, his gloved fingers in Merlin’s hair. He gave Merlin’s head a slight shake. 

“Merlin.”

Merlin simply sighed in response, shifted slightly, and started snoring even louder. 

“Merlin!”, Arthur said again, louder this time, as he slapped Merlin on the back of his head.

“‘Whu?!”, Merlin muttered as he shot up from the bed to a sitting position. Arthur couldn’t help but smile when he saw the expression on Merlin’s face - still half asleep, drool on his cheek, the hair on one side of his head sticking straight out -  _ wait _ . Arthur’s smile dropped. This wasn’t the Merlin he remembered. Or, it was, but he looked different. Merlin had grown up a lot since his first arrival in Camelot, true, but the man before him now looked much older. There was gray in his hair, and wrinkles around his eyes. His shoulders seemed broader, his chest a bit wider. The sharpness of his cheekbones was still there, highlighted by the hint of a beard, black and grey stubble. 

_ How long was I gone? _

Merlin rubbed at his eyes, and then froze, as if suddenly realising where he was. His arms slowly descended as he looked at Arthur. He didn’t say anything, but started breathing faster and deeper. His breath became shaky, and tears made his eyes look glassy as they seemed to take in all of Arthur, looking him up and down, as if Merlin couldn’t believe Arthur was actually there. All of Merlin was shaking now, as his fingers wrapped around Arthur’s arm, squeezing. 

“Arthur”, Merlin managed to breathe out. He smiled as a tear ran down his cheek. 

“You’re back. About time, you clotpole.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Merlin finally came to, he had been placed in one of the patient beds on the second floor. 

_ Arthur  _ , he thought immediately, jolting him upright to a sitting position in the bed.

“Em, relax. You fainted. Do you remember?”. Merlin turned his head to find Anne sitting by his bed, her hand resting on his, eyes worried. “I got a call from Miriam saying you went into shock after a surgery, that you fainted. And.. that you seemed to know the patient. What’s going on Em?”

_ That’s right  _ , Merlin remembered. He had completely fallen apart after the surgery, hadn't been able to hide his worry for the patie-  _ Arthur. _ Arthur was alive. The shard had lost its magic, and he had been able to remove it from his chest. Merlin’s mind was filled to the brim with unanswered questions -  _ Why had he come back now? How had the shard lost its magic, was Albion in danger once again?  _ His emotions were on the verge of overwhelming him again. He felt immense joy at having Arthur back, but also worry and fear of what his return might mean, not only to him, but the world.  _ Does this mean magic is bac- _

“Emrys.”

Merlin's increasingly frantic thoughts were interrupted by Anne. He realised he hadn’t said anything yet, just stared blankly ahead, lost in his thoughts. 

_ Anne must think I’ve gone mad. _

“I’m sorry, Annie, I’m still in a bit of a state. How is Arthur?”

“Arthur? Is that the patient, the one you operated on?”, Anne asked, looking even more worried now that Merlin had confirmed his relationship with the patient. “He’s still unconscious as far as I know, but stable. But.. Em. This is a huge breach of duty of care. Why would you do this? Who is he to you?”

_ Anne definitely thinks I’ve gone mad. _

“He’s my- he is an old friend. I haven’t seen him in ages, I actually thought he was dead. When I saw him on the table, I just- I just started working on autopilot. Kind of detached from my body, which kept on doing its job- being a surgeon. When my mind finally caught up to my body again, and I realised what I’d done, the surgery was already mostly over. And I, I, I don’t know - went into shock.”

“Oh. OK, I understand.” The worry in Anne’s eyes turned to sympathy as she gave Merlin’s hand a little squeeze. “I mean -  _ I  _ understand, gods know I’ve lost control before- but Em, I’m not sure Allen will understand. He’s already up your arse, trying to catch you making a mistake. And this is kind of a big one. Not to mention the GMC.”

Merlin was well aware that Allen would milk this situation to its fullest. If Allen didn’t give him the boot, he would at least be suspended pending an investigation by the General Medical Council. He would probably lose his job at West Mendip, and his license to practice medicine. 

_ Oh well  _ , Merlin thought. For any other doctor, the prospect of losing one’s license would be crushing. But presently, Merlin really couldn’t find it in himself to even  _ pretend  _ to care. Arthur was back. He could always find another job. 

“I will be fine, Anne. Don’t worry about me”, Merlin reassured her with a small smile. He squeezed her hand, and gave her a wink before he swung his legs to the floor, getting up to visit Arthur. “I always land on my feet! Do you know what room he is in?”

Anne looked utterly perplexed, probably confused about Merlin’s lack of concern. 

“Uh.. I think he’s just down the hall, 208. But Em-”

“Thanks, Annie. You’re the best”, Merlin interjected as he swung open the door and made his way down the hallway to find Arthur. 

_ I can’t believe I’m going to see Arthur.  _

Merlin walked briskly down the hallway, turned a corner, and suddenly found himself in front of the door to room 208. He took a deep breath, grabbed the handle, pushed it down slowly, and opened the door. His breath caught in his throat.There he was. It was like Merlin saw him for the first time, just now. He hadn’t dared look at Arthur’s face properly in the operating theatre, for fear of losing control. Merlin took slow steps towards the bed until he stood by Arthurs side. Had Merlin not known any better, it would seem like he was simply sleeping, waiting for Merlin to wake him up, serve him his breakfast. He looked exactly like Merlin remembered him. Over the past 1500 years, he had forgotten a lot of faces. Even the faces of his closest friends - Gwen, Gaius, Lancelot, Gwaine - had become blurry over time. He could picture them in his head, but their faces had blended together with other faces he had known over the years. Arthur’s face, however, had always been crystal clear in his mind. Still, it was jarring to actually see him in front of him again, especially in this modern environment. He didn't quite  _ fit _ . After living without him for so long, Arthur had almost developed into what felt like a fantasy, memories of their interactions blended with fantasies and daydreams, turning Arthur into some mythical creature of his imagination. But here he was. And he was real. Just like he remembered. 

“Sire”, Merlin whispered, and made a little bow. He breathed a small laugh as he felt the tears swell in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here”.

Merlin reached down towards Arthur’s right hand. He placed his fingers between Arthur’s and squeezed.  _ He would surely tell me to stop being such a girl, were he to see me now,  _ Merlin thought, but gasped when he felt Arthur squeeze his hand in return. 

“Arthur, I need you to wake up.”

No response. He needs more time. Merlin released Arthur’s hand to get a chair from the other side of the room when the door swung open. 

“Hunithson. A word.” Allen looked pleased.

“Allen.” Merlin could already tell he wouldn’t be working at West Mendip anytime soon. 

Merlin had been suspended pending investigation, but judging from his conversation with Allen, he  _ would _ eventually lose his job. Merlin had been completely indifferent during their conversation, which seemed to irritate Allen immensely.  _ “Alright, just let me know when the investigation is done”,  _ Merlin had said flatly, resulting in Allen turning red as a beet before storming out of the room. Merlin had provided the hospital with Arthur's name- Arthur Pence. Merlin knew they wouldn't find any previous medical history on him, nor any personal information. Merlin also told them Arthur didn't have any family that he knew of, and it seemed they were satisfied by this for the moment. They would surely ask Arthur more questions when he woke up, but he would deal with that later. Merlin didn’t leave Arthur’s side for the next three days, other than to use the bathroom. Anne, Christianson and Miriam took turns visiting, making sure Merlin ate something.

“Doesn’t he have any family? Is there someone we should call?, Anne asked during one of her visits. 

“No. Just me.”

He could feel Anne’s curiosity, and knew she wanted to know more about the nature of Merlin’s and Arthur’s relationship. He would make up some story later. Right now, he didn’t have the will or energy to focus on anything other than Arthur, and it seemed like Anne understood this. She didn’t ask him any other questions. As Anne turned to leave, Merlin grabbed her hand. 

“Annie. Thank you. I’ll tell you more later, but right now I just need to focus on him. You’re a good friend”.

She gave a sad smile in response. 

Merlin was starting to get worried. There had been no complications during surgery, at least not that he knew of. They had eased up on the anesthesia, there was no medical reason that Arthur should not wake up. On the other hand, Merlin knew nothing of Arthur’s experiences prior to arriving at the hospital. Perhaps something magical was keeping Arthur asleep? He had tried three different healing spells, two pain-relieving spells and one awakening spell. To no avail. 

“Please Arthur. You have to wake up now. I can't lose you again.”

It was now the third night by Arthur’s side, and Merlin felt exhausted. Miriam had come by to redress Arthur’s wound and drop off some dinner for Merlin. 

“You should go home, Emrys. Get some sleep. You look like shit, to be honest”, Miriam said with a pitying smile. 

“I’m fine, Miriam.”

Miriam was right, though. He did look like shit. And felt like shit. He was still wearing the same clothes he wore before his last shift, and his already dirty socks had become completely rank on their fifth consecutive day of use. 

“Give me your keys. At least let me get you a change of clothes. The other nurses are constantly worried someone has died in here, with you stinking up the room”, Miriam teased, giving his shoulder a slight nudge. 

“Thank you”, Merlin replied with a laugh, fishing his keys up from his pocket and handing them to her. 

The chair he had been sitting in for the last 72 hours was extremely uncomfortable, causing his back to ache. He had only been able to sleep in brief intervals, both due to worry and to the lack of comfort. As he listened to the steady beeping of the heart monitor on the other side of Arthur’s bed, he found it more and more difficult to stay awake.  _ I’ll have a little nap  _ , Merlin thought, and rested his head on his arms on the bed next to Arthur’s waist. 

_ He was in Arthur’s rooms, taking a brief rest on the bed in between his chores. He had just meant to sit for a little while, give his feet a little break, before making his way down to the washing rooms with Arthur’s laundry. But the bed was so comfortable, and he had to close his eyes, just for a second. Suddenly he felt a hand on his head, fingers playing with his hair. “Merlin”. He recognised Arthur’s voice, and felt his strong hand rest on his head. I like this dream, Merlin thought. Arthur’s fingers grabbed a hold of Merlin’s hair and gave his head a little shake. “Merlin”. Let me rest for one more moment, Arthur. You can keep playing with my hair if you want to. _

“Merlin!”

Merlin was awoken from his dream by a slap across the back of his head, and he shot off up from the bed.

“Whu-”, he muttered, confused as to where he was. Merlin rubbed at his eyes, when he suddenly realised. He slowly lowered his arms, and found a confused Arthur looking back at him. Joy swelled in his chest, he wanted to laugh.

_ Arthur is back! _

Merlin looked Arthur up and down, trying to take in all of him, burn this image into his memory. Merlin had dreamed of their reunion ever since his last conversation with Kilgarrah, envisioned how he would hold him, hold his face in his hands. Those were dreams, however. Merlin had had millennia to analyse his relationship with Arthur, and although he had come to realise the extent of  _ his _ feelings for Arthur, Arthur would still see him as his servant, as his  _ friend  _ . Merlin fought the urge to wrap his arms around Arthur, but was unable to hide his emotions altogether. He felt his vision go blurry from the tears accumulating in his eyes as he lowered his hand to grab Arthur’s arm. 

“Arthur”, he managed to breathe out.

“You’re back. About time, you clotpole”. Merlin smiled, looking at Arthur excitedly in anticipation of his response. 

Arthur simply stared back at him, still confused. 

“Biskoazh?!”, Arthur suddenly exclaimed, clearly distressed. “Dre belec’h ez omp?!” 

_ What the-  _ , Merlin first thought, and then suddenly understood.  _ I’m such an idiot.  _ Merlin had somehow completely forgotten that Arthur didn’t speak or understand modern english. For all his age, knowledge and wisdom,  _ this fundamental fact  _ somehow slipped his mind. Merlin still remembered some of the old Breton language, but hadn’t used it in  _ so _ long. He turned around so Arthur wouldn't see him wiping the tears from his eyes. After regaining his composure, he turned back. 

“Uhh, wait a second”, Merlin uttered, holding up his index finger to Arthur’s face as a signal he would try to figure something out. 

“Merlin!”, Arthur said loudly, clearly irritated now. Merlin had used language translation spells before, when he lived in Iceland, France and Russia for instance, but it was so long ago now.

_ How does it go again? Oh, yes! _

Merlin lifted his hand and placed it on Arthur’s forehead, who subsequently slapped it away with an outraged look on his face. 

“Just sit still, you prat, I’m trying to help you!”.

Arthur didn’t recognise Merlin's words, but seemed to understand his meaning. He gave a nod, and Merlin placed his hand on Arthur’s forehead once again. His eyes glowed gold, producing a fascinated look on Arthur’s face. 

“Teod cheñge”, Merlin whispered, feeling the magic surge into Arthur’s brain. Merlin was suddenly aware of the intimacy of this interaction. Yes, Arthur had seen him do magic before, but never this up close, and never used on  _ him  _ . He lowered his hand as his eyes locked with Arthur’s.

“Arthur? Can you understand me?”

“Merlin. Where the bloody hell are we?!”

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

“Merlin, where the bloody hell are we?! What did you just do, and why did you speak gibberish just now?”

Merlin said nothing for a long while, only stared at him in what seemed to be shock. Then he started laughing, first quietly under his breath, and then loudly, like a maniac. 

“Merlin! Have you gone mad? What is this strange place? Have we been taken captive?”

Merlin’s laugh subsided, and the previous look of elation on his face was replaced by dread. And what looked to be sorrow. Merlin looked down at his hands.

“Arthur - I- It’s so good to see you again, my friend. I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Tell me what?”

Arthur was worried now, like he could somehow sense the oncoming bad news. He knew Merlin well enough by now to recognise the graveness of his voice, the serious expression on his face. The wrinkle on his brow which always appeared when Merlin was worried or scared. 

“I think it would be best if I showed you.”, Merlin replied after a long silence. He lifted his hands towards Arthur’s face again, as he had done earlier to make Arthur understand. Arthur jerked a bit at the gesture, still wary and not used to his manservant being a sorcerer.

“Can I show you?”

Arthur simply nodded in response, and Merlin placed his hands at the sides of Arthur’s face, covering his temples and ears. The action felt intimate, especially when looking into Merlin’s eyes, red, weary and brimming with emotion. The beeping noise from the strange apparatus at Arthur’s side seemed to increase in frequency. 

_It **is** connected to me! My emotions? Cursed machine, _Arthur thought to himself, cringing at the idea of being so vulnerable, especially in front of Merlin. But Merlin didn’t seem to notice - if he did, he did not show it. He seemed intently focused on the task at hand, his palms pressed against the sides of Arthur’s head as he began to mutter unrecognisable words. 

“Byraene gemyndbenimminga”.

_Arthur felt his mind slipping into darkness. The strange room with its strange machines, the unfamiliar sounds, and strange smells dissipated until he felt only one thing. Merlin. His mind in his. And then, images._

_Merlin holding his body, crying. His own lifeless body in a boat, drifting into the Lake of Avalon. Gwen on the throne, Camelot thriving, Gwen and Leon kissing, surrounded by children._

_His heart ached._

_His friends growing old. His friends dying. Their children growing old. Their children dying. And on and on. New wars. Countless wars. New kingdoms, new inventions, new knowledge. Magic growing weaker over time. Scientific inventions, social change, everything changing. With one exception._

_Merlin._

_Merlin, staying the same throughout it all. Alone. Merlin walking through the ages of time, waiting, working, learning, counselling other kings and queens, making new friends - but then losing them too. Alone. Arthur suddenly felt unbelievably sad and lonely. And angry. Merlin had been alone for a very long time._

_Oh Merlin._

_As the images continued to flash before him in his mind, the realization of everything, him being dead, Gwen remarrying, everyone else being dead, Camelot gone - everything - became to much._

_“Enough!”_ he shouted in his mind. Just when Arthur thought his heart would burst from all the pain, he was pulled out of the trance. As the outside world came back into his consciousness, he felt his heart racing in his chest. His mouth tasted like bile, and he feared he would vomit. 

“No - no-- it, it can’t be”, Arthur managed to get out in between desperate gasps of breath. 

Can’t you take us back, Merlin? Surely you can?!”. Arthur already knew the answer, as he had seen Merlin’s memories, but he still couldn’t accept it. 

“I’m so sorry Arthur”, Merlin answered, his voice low and resigned. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why am I here, Merlin? Why am I here when everyone is gone, when Camelot is gone? What is the point, I should have stayed dead.”, Arthur continued, with tears running down his cheeks at this point. 

“I don’t know, Arthur. I don’t know why I’m still here either. I have been wondering that for 1500 years, and I’m still not any wiser. The only thing I knew was that you would return someday, when Camelot would need you again. And that I had to wait for that time to come. I don’t know why either of us are here, or what we have to do now. But I do know one thing - that I am so glad to see you again, old friend. I have missed you.”

Arthur felt his heart slow at Merlin’s words. Merlin always knew what to say to reassure him, that had always been true. Arthur’s breath steadied and he lifted his head to meet Merlin’s gaze. His manservant smiled a weary smile, and Arthur could see the years on his face. Not only because he looked older, but because it was the expression of a man who had lived. Many lifetimes, it would appear. 

“We will find the answers together”, Arthur said, and placed his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. 

They were silent for a moment, just looking at each other. The beeping sounds from the machine came a bit faster again, causing Arthur to withdraw his hand and clear his throat. Merlin inhaled loudly and stood up from his chair. 

_He noticed_ , Arthur thought. _Cursed machine._

“Well!”, Merlin exclaimed loudly, “I think we could both use a drink, what do you say? I can tell you more about - well, everything. There is a lot I didn’t show you.”

* * *

Arthur and Merlin prepared to leave. Arthur had seen in Merlin’s memories that he now worked as a physician, and that he was employed at this hospital. It was in fact Merlin who had removed the shard from his chest and saved his life (for the thousandth time). A friend of Merlin’s had stopped by their room with a change of clothes for Merlin, which he offered to Arthur. She had seemed very curious about Arthur, and wanted to greet him, but was ushered out of the room. Then shortly thereafter an older man, another physician, Arthur suspected, stopped by their room, but was also escorted out into the hallway by a clearly annoyed Merlin. He could hear raised voices (one of them Merlin’s), but could not hear what they were arguing about. 

Eventually Merlin re-entered the room with an exasperated look on his face.

“Everything alright? Who was that?”, Arthur asked.

“Oh, just a prat. You would like him actually”, Merlin replied jokingly, and then shaked his head and continued with a smile - “All is well, sire. Let’s get you dressed. It’s not royal armor, but it will do for now.”

Merlin pulled out various pieces of clothing from a bag - blue trousers, a white shirt with short sleeves, and a black shirt with a hood. Then a pair of white stockings along with a strange pair of shoes, which Merlin called “sneakers”.

“I think we’re at the point now where you can dress yourself, wouldn’t you say so sire?”, Merlin said with a cheeky grin, as he turned around to give Arthur some privacy. 

“Let me know if you need any help!”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure I can manage, _Mer_ lin.”

He had spoken too soon. Most of the clothes were easy to figure out. He managed to get on the shirt, the stockings, and the shirt. He got the pants, which were of a strange, stiff fabric, up to his waist, and figured out how to button it. But there was this strange metallic weave underneath the button which he didn’t know what to do with. Arthur cleared his throat. Merlin turned around and looked him up and down him with a strange expression. Arthur cleared his throat again. Merlin’s eyes snapped up to meet his.

“I can’t seem to figure out..”, Arthur said, pointing awkwardly at his crotch. Merlin snorted a laugh. Arthur grabbed a pillow from the bed and hurled it at him in response. Merlin expertly ducked and averted the blow, still with a smile on his face. 

“Well, let me help you, sire.”

He walked up Arthur, and got down on one knee, so that his head was directly in front of his waist. Arthur felt his face grow warm, why he didn’t know. Merlin had dressed him countless times before. 

“This is called a zipper”, Merlin said quietly as he lifted his hands and placed one of them on the little metal appendage on the bottom of the weave, and the other grabbing the fabric of his pants. Arthur’s face was burning at this point, and as he looked down at Merlin, he thought he could detect some colour on his cheeks as well. Merlin then pulled the metal appendage up, closing the gap between the metal seams. 

“All done!, Merlin said as he stood up, looking anywhere but at Arthur.

“You could have just explained to me how it worked”, Arthur muttered under his breath, feeling embarrassed. But also something else - _what is this feeling_?

“As I recall, you thoroughly enjoy making me perform unnecessary tasks. I just wanted to make you feel at home”, Merlin quipped back, breaking the awkward tension. 

Finally Arthur put on the shoes Merlin had provided him with, which were very comfortable. In fact, all of the clothes felt softer than his normal clothes, and they smelled good. Like herbs, candles, and books. They smelt like Merlin.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

The journey from the hospital to the “pub” had been quite overwhelming for Arthur. He had seen a lot through Merlin’s memories, but it was still quite a shock to witness the drastic changes in the world. Apparently, people did not use horses for transportation anymore (only for sport). Instead they travelled in giant metal boxes on wheels, which moved at incredible speed. Merlin owned one of these as well, and they had used it to travel to the tave- _pub_ . Arthur was seated to Merlin’s left, in a very comfortable seat. Merlin made him put on some sort of security belt, which Merlin explained would stop him from being hurled through the front glass were they to crash the vehicle. _This can’t possibly be safe_ , Arthur thought to himself, but did not voice his concern. As they began to move, Arthur was sure he would faint or vomit from the speed and motion of the vehicle, but refused to look so weak in front of Merlin. Merlin seemed to have sensed his discomfort anyway, as he had the look of a suppressed grin on his face for the entire ride. 

“Feeling alright, sire?”, Merlin asked with feigned concern.

“Shut up, Merlin.”

Despite the unfamiliarity of everything, the culture shock and grief of what was lost, at least his relationship with Merlin felt the same. Even though Merlin could be annoying, Arthur took comfort in their banter. He always had, truth be told, but it was especially appreciated now. Merlin made him feel safe, when everything else felt strange and foreign. Arthur observed the people walking the streets as they drove. Everyone looked to be obsessed with these tiny glowing squares with moving pictures on them, which Merlin explained could also be used to communicate over long distances with. These glowing squares could also be used to create instant paintings (or photos, as Merlin had phrased it). The streets were lit, not by fire, but some sort of magic, everlasting light, which Merlin insisted was not magic at all. There was much to get used to. 

After thirty minutes they finally arrived at their destination, to Arthur’s great relief. They had stopped on a quiet street in front of a small tavern, bustling with people and cheerful music. _At least taverns haven't changed too much_ , Arthur though to himself, relieved. As they stepped out of the car, Merlin pointed to the sign hanging above the entrance. 

Arthur looked up, and saw a familiar name. _The King Arthur_.

“Is this place named after-?”, Arthur asked as he looked up at the sign in wonder. Merlin gave a smiling nod in reply.

“So people still know who I am? Or, was?”

“Believe it or not, you’re actually quite famous, Arthur. Not only here, but all around the world.”

Arthur felt a tinge of pride at that.

“I’ll tell you all about it once we’ve gotten a drink”, Merlin said as he grabbed Arthurs arm and led him towards the entrance of the pub.

“Just follow my lead, don’t talk to anyone when I’m not there.”, Merlin instructed over his shoulder as they walked into the tavern.

“Excuse me? I’m the king of Camelot, not some child. I’m perfectly capable of keeping a normal conversation”, Arthur replied with an outraged look on his face. 

“Well, you might have gotten by with talking about sword fighting and bashing people’s skulls in in the past, now that’s considered _murder_ , and a sure sign of psychopathy. So please just- you know, don’t be all _knighty_ if anyone else tries to talk to you”.

“Stop mothering me Merlin. I’ll be fine”.

 _“If you say so sire”_ , Merlin replied under his breath, but Arthur heard, as indicated by a hard punch to Merlin’s left shoulder. 

“Ow!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I took a long break before writing the final two chapters. Please let me know what you think of the direction of the story, or whether there are specific things I should elaborate 😅

“Ow!”.

A wave of heat and the smell of spilt beer and wine came over them as they walked through the entrance of The King Arthur.

“What’s this _god awful noise_ Merlin?”, Arthur exclaimed, looking at Merlin with a disgusted expression. _What’s he talking about now?_ , Merlin thought to himself. _Oh, the music._ Yes, it would be very different from what Arthur was used to.

“Yeah, music has changed a lot. This is a genre called punk rock, and a band called Ramones. They’re quite famous, actually!”

“For what? Inducing seizures?”, Arthur continued, clearly not impressed with the evolution of music over the past 1500 years. 

“Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch, we’ll find some music you like”, Merlin said with an exasperated sigh as he led Arthur by the arm towards an empty booth. 

“Alright, you just sit here and keep to yourself while I go get us some beer. It’s like ale, only much better. Remember - don’t talk to any strangers.”, Merlin whispered with a wink to Arthur, who responded with a sarcastic smile and a short nod. 

Merlin had mustered all his energy to maintain a cool facade in front of Arthur, so as to keep him calm. But internally he was still reeling from Arthur’s return, his thoughts running through his head at lightspeed. He was overjoyed of course - but also sad for Arthur, and worried about the implications of his return. Yes, he had been waiting for this for what seemed like an eternity now, but now that the moment had finally come, Merlin was at an utter loss as for what to do next. Arthur trusted he would know the next steps, that he would have garnered enough wisdom over the past millennia to guide them through this situation. But Merlin had no clue. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy the company of his best friend again. 

_Why did I zip up his pants for him?_

Merlin felt his face grow hot again at the thought of the incident at the hospital. Merlin had been fully aware of his feelings for Arthur for a good while now, but Arthur would have no clue of course. And would be repulsed should he find out, Merlin suspected. If Arthurs discomfort at the incident was any indication, Merlin was right. 

Merlin pushed the memory of it out of his mind as he ordered two beers. Beers in hand, he turned back towards their booth and almost dropped the mugs to the ground at the sight in front of him. 

“What the-”, Merlin muttered under his breath as he slowly approached the booth. A familiar man was talking to Arthur, who looked incredibly confused at whatever the man was saying. _What was his name again? Ricky? Ronald? Oh!_

“Heeyy, Robert…. What are you doing here?”, Merlin asked in a high pitched voice as he arrived at the booth. Merlin tried to sound as casual as possible, but couldn’t stop his eyes darting back and forth between Robert and Arthur. Robert smiled, but there was contempt beneath that smile, Merlin could tell. Ever since their casual hookup three nights ago, he had received regular texts from Robert, but hadn’t had the time to even think about them, let alone reply. They had only met that one night, but it seemed Robert was interested in a repeat encounter. 

“Oh, I was just having a chat with your friend here, Arthur was it? You don’t waste any time do you?”

Arthur looked even more confused now as he looked questioningly at Merlin. 

“Arthur is just an old friend, Robert. We can talk some other time”.

Suddenly Arthur chimed in. _Oh no, just shut up Arthur_ , Merlin thought as Arthur’s mouth started to move. 

“I don’t know who you are, _sire_ , or what your issue with Merlin is, but i suggest you take your leave _now_.”

“Who’s Merlin? Em?”. Now Rob was the one who looked confused. “Wait? You’re ignoring me because you’re too busy LARPing with this freak? Playing knights of the round table? Christ, it seems I dodged a bullet. Have fun, weirdos.”

Robert rolled his eyes as he turned around and left, leaving Merlin and Arthur alone again. 

“Well! Here’s your beer, my lord”, Merlin said cheerily as he sat down opposite to Arthur, completely ignoring the interaction that just occurred. 

“Merlin, who was that?”

“Oh, just a friend. Or not friends, really. An acquaintance, more like.”, Merlin replied as he took a large sip of his pint, avoiding eye contact with Arthur. 

“Is that so? He told me I should be careful with you. That you wouldn’t care about me tomorrow morning.”, Arthur continued, eyes narrow. “That sounds like more than an acquaintance.”

“Huh, that’s strange.”, Merlin replied in a short manner. 

“Merlin. Or should I call you "Em"?”

 _I guess I’ll tell him now then,_ Merlin thought to himself as he tried to organize the explanation in his head. Where to start? _Not my feelings for him, not now, not ever_ . Merlin took a deep breath and sighed. _Here we go_.

“First, I currently go by the name Emrys Hunithson. Second, I showed you as much as I thought you could handle through my memories. I believe I showed you some of the social changes that have happened since your death, including more openness for different romantic and sexual preferences.”

Arthur’s brow was wrinkled now. Merlin looked at him for a brief while before he continued. _Best to get this over with. If he can live with my magic, he can live with this._

“Well, in present times, it is normal and accepted for people to be romantically engaged with individuals of the same gender. They are allowed to marry in most civilized countries, and to have children together. Some exclusively date people of the same gender, some date people of either genders. Some people also realize they don’t identify with the biological sex they are born with, and transition to the one they identify with later in life.”

Merlin had attempted to speak as matter-of-factly as possible, but couldn't conceal the slight tremor in hiw voice as he spoke. While Merlin had been talking, Arthur had planted his gaze firmly down his pint glass. 

“And you.. You are interested in men?”, Arthur asked quietly, like there was some danger in saying the words out loud. 

“Well. I have been involved with both women and men. So yes. “

“And this.. Robert.. Was one of them?”

“Eh, yes briefly.”, Merlin replied. He again tried to stay calm, but wasn’t able to stop himself from blushing, even with all his powers. 

There was a long silence. As Merlin looked at Arthur’s face, he tried to interpret what was going on in his head. He was still staring down his pint glass, deep in thought. Finally, Arthur lifted his head, and looked at Merlin. It seemed like Arthur had come to some conclusion, that he had accepted what Merlin had said. His face seemed unnaturally neutral, very unlike the usual Arthur. Merlin half expected him to call him a girl, or at least tease him in _some_ way. But he just looked at him - with what seemed to be acceptance. Merlin felt his heart flutter for a moment. _This man is so beautiful._

Then Arthur finally spoke.

He simply said, “OK”, and nodded. “This beer is very good by the way.”

Merlin had to laugh. “ _OK”. This isn’t a horrible reaction._ Merlin was relieved that Arthur didn’t react with disgust. He didn’t know what this was, exactly, but it seemed like he didn’t care.

“Yes, isn’t it?”, Merlin answered. 

“So what else can you tell me? What else should I know?”, Arthur asked.

They sat there for hours, talking about their lives in Camelot, and about life in Camelot after Arthur was gone. Gwen’s reign. Her remarrying, and her and Leon’s children. Merlin could read the pain on Arthur’s face as he listened to this part of the story, but also other emotions. Pride at Gwen’s achievements, and relief that she found happiness without him as well. That she had legalized magic in Camelot, and made Merlin court sorcerer. Made peace with the other kingdoms. They talked about the history of England, Europe, and the world, as Merlin tried to sum up modern human history in two hours (although this proved to be an impossible task). They would have to buy some history books. 

Merlin told Arthur about parts of his personal life. His travels, his educations and various occupations. He withheld some parts he deemed to painful to share right now, and some things he felt ashamed of.

As the night went on, exhaustion caught up to them both. Exhaustion and alcohol. Whatever Arthur needed to know about the world would not be learned right now, with both of them drunk and on the verge of falling asleep.

“Let’s go home”, Merlin slurred to Arthur, who was half sleeping, his head resting on the table in front of him as he hummed along to another Ramones song playing in the background. The Pub was mostly empty by now, and the staff were getting ready to close up. Merlin managed to drag Arthur out of the pub and into a taxi. His flat was only a 15 walk away, but Merlin doubted they would be able to walk even that short distance right now. 

Arthur fell asleep as soon as he sat down in the taxi, so that when they finally arrived at Merlin’s, Merlin had to shake him violently to wake him, and all but carry him up the stairs to his flat. 

“Let’s get you to bed, sire.”


End file.
